I MYSELF AND ART
The relationship between myself and art is established in the form of creation, or, to be more precise, in the form of an attempt of creation with a serious intention of becoming art. Why a visual work of art? Only through a pictorial work of art I can be led by my own individuality. I believe that a pictorial work of art has its origin in the spirit, that it stands on a higher level than any other work of nature and therefore the creation of such work is equivalent to my belief that I am capable to create my own system of being, a system that is opposed to the one that is presented to us. Though sensory, a visual work of art exists for the purpose of something non-sensory, for the spirit that feels its own need as a lack of its own existence.
My work can be subsumed under a kind of schematic expression of my inner life in all of its dramatic turbulence. In this way my paintings become a sacred space, a sanctuary in which my ego can reclaim its depthness and creativity that have been lost in the world.
I pull my strength from the non oblivion and the capacity to imagine a multiple coexistence of destinies. The presence of yearning for understanding of passings that last indefinitely around us, all those lives that are deaths undercover, is what leads me to creation. The presented life is only possible due to the lacking and failures of our memory. My imaginary life is the creation of live memory in which I hold the wholeness of suffering I’ve gone through. The imagination is the fruit of myself as a monster of emotions. As such, it has to move toward the confirmation of all of the suffering and all of the perturbations of the given moment. Will I sustain this burden? I must.
The presence of panic fear is visible in my creation but not as a result of a certain comprehension of the world but of the convulsion of complexion and the darkness of blood. My reign is the reign of my own “myself” but the deliverance cannot be achieved with the help of own “myself”. The more I try to wrench from that layer of my being, which is made of suffering and pain, the more I feel sinking deeper in it. Will the curiosity carry me to the deepest layer of my being? It will. I won’t love myself then, I can sense it.
My work uncovers me to myself, it embodies and brings to light my secrets. Moving towards myself as a final destination is the essence of my work. The creator is a fellow combatant, a fellow player, an intermediary which establishes a relation. The relations I establish with people, who are no longer physically present in this world are impossible in reality. Those relations are only possible in the boundaries of my visual work of art. In this moment I am touched by Emil Cioran, a Rumanian philosopher, who has a system of comprehension that obsesses me. It is his merit that I receive answers to the questions I put. That relation between Cioran and myself is more than bear touching. People such as him penetrate into the mechanism of my view of the world in order to fortify me in the reluctance and non-acceptance of the reality that is presented to me. In the absence of this thinker I would have never become aware of my own miseries and the obligation to devote myself to them. The purpose of my work is bringing into question the logic of reality, and that points to awareness of a different reality. With my artistic synthesis I strive to bring to life a new, different, so far not seen reality- a noble, sensible, exciting and highly aestheticized one. Such world can be created through an ambient installation that is consisted of visual and audio entities with high demands. The visitors get pulled into that fulfillment, they become a part of it in order to leave it emotionally enriched. Entering my world is my game which is made of oil canvas paintings which depict people who are no longer in this world, of light with which I proclaim the unshowable relations between them and myself and the sound which is the reflection of my state of mind.
The objective is reflected in the enhancement of the power of choice and the diminishment of determinism in every possible way. The resistance to the limitations of nature is the deepest expression of human spirit, using which, the creator transforms destiny into beauty. Tragedy is what teaches an individual to think his own freedom and to act on that basis. The esthetic dialectics brings peace between destiny and beauty and therefore the beauty has a tragic aura and the audiences enjoyment of it is a way of accepting destiny without desperation.Go back to Texts